We had tickets for the jury final, a full dress rehearsal where the jury decides who they will vote for (half the votes are determined by the jury and half by countries voting). Then we went to watch the actual final on big screens in one of the parks.

This meant we got to see it twice! All the acts, Petra’s jokes (all those poor boys who haven’t found the right woman yet!, the John Paul Gaultier pointy bra), the animated caterpillar crawling all the way from Baku to Malmö before becoming a butterfly and explaining this year’s logo, and the wonderfully self-deprecating Ode to Sweden. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Eurovision host country do such a piss-take before. I think this is also one of the best scripted Eurovision hostings I’ve seen. The jokes were actually funny. They didn’t even try to say everything again in French.

Although the SVT live broadcast shown in the park did, of course, have a Swedish voice-over.

The whole town was in party mode and the audience dressed in their national colours, but the vibe at the park was different to that of the die hard, paying fans. Some people didn’t seem interested in watching at all (like the girl who was texting someone during the whole thing). It’s also reassuring to find that drunken idiocy is an international phenomenon.

The acts from the Big Five countries may have the advantage of not having to compete for a place in the finals, but they are disadvantaged in that the audience hasn’t already seen their act live and formed an opinion of it.

I found it hard to really get a clear grasp on the Spanish act, probably because it started out slowly then picked up the pace. It was kind of like two acts.

Cascada from Germany was one of the audience favourites with her dance hit. But is it too similar to last year’s winner to be successful this year?

The French song also fell a little flat for me. There was a weird close up shot of her fringed dress in the broadcast.

Italy also contributed a lone male singer in a suit singing a song in his native tongue. While it was a good song, it really lacked the power of Iceland, although it still scored higher.

Bonnie Tyler was a sentimental favourite, particularly of the Brits and the gay guys who adored her, even if it seemed she was talked into doing Eurovision just to promote her new album. She sounded better at the Jury final, but I think all the rehearsing had taken its toll on her voice by the finals.

Fortunately, we only had to watch the voting once. I always think I can take this time to do something else, but the voting is strangely compelling. There are always the hosts who milk the time before finally announcing their points; impossibly glamorous women in tight, low cut dresses who can barely speak English who may well be the mistress of the station owner; former Eurovision winners who get the points wrong; and this year the host country was represented by an announcer who dresses like a Japanese manga cartoon character. There’s always something you don’t want to miss.

Although one of the favourites with the Eurovision audience, Finland finished 24th, third last.

Ireland was most surprising, finishing last despite contributing such a good song. Maybe the world still hasn’t forgiven them for Jedward (twice)? Maybe people did confuse this act with Lithuania (although he only came 22nd)?

That catchy Greek tune came 6th. Imagine if they’d won. Then Melbourne may have been in the running to be host city for 2014!

As the top three, Denmark, Azerbaijan and Ukraine emerged, there were a few tense moments until the favourite pulled away from the pack, and Denmark was announced as the clear winner before the final four countries submitted their votes!

And so Eurovision concludes for another 12 months, and Malmö returns to a life without butterflies, disco lights, mirror balls or europop outside its central station.

Audience ready!?

Camera and glitter cannons ready!?

Wind machine ready!?

Host ready!?

Because the world doesn’t have enough keyboards played like guitars…

… or dancers inside Perspex boxes …

… or glowing armbands …

… and definitely not enough pyrotechnic guitars …

… or glitter …

Semi final 2, another wonderful night of Eurovision!

If Semi Final 1 gave the impression that Eurovision was becoming tame or, God forbid, more professional, then the second Semi Final put any such fears to rest, and brought back the true spectacle that is Eurovision.

Semi Final 1 also saw little controversy with the acts that made it through to the Finals, where the second Semi Final led to much debate about whether more worthy acts should have made it through. But we all know that Eurovision isn’t necessarily about the best song. It’s about what appeals to the audience (remember the Finnish band dressed as monsters) and nationalistic preferences.

What a fantastic way to begin the show, with an upbeat, poppy number from Latvia sung by men in silver clothing. This was great, I haven’t seen keyboards played like guitars since Pseudo Echo.

San Marino was a great act; catchy song, interpretative dancers, crystal ball, loads of flowy fabric and one of the audience favourites. Although its beginning on the floor made the first part a little difficult to see. Some members of the Australian contingent had been backing the song since it was first announced as a contender and were still shell shocked the following day that they did not make the final.

F.Y.R Macedonia was represented by an interesting group, but one that didn’t really gel, and a song that wavered between pop and ethnic without really reconciling the two.

Azerbaijan had all the ingredients for a memorable Eurovision: an irresistibly catchy tune and a guy dancing in a Perspex box.

Finland brought some politics and controversy to the event, although in a very upbeat and poppy way, with their song in support of gay marriage. This song had amazing audience support, which I guess is not surprising given the predominant demographic. The Finnish fans dressed as brides, but people from other nations also wore little veils along with their own national colours. Apparently some countries edited the lesbian kiss out of their broadcasts.

The multitalented, singing doctor from Malta delighted the audience with his folky song, ‘Tomorrow’. Perhaps some of the lyrics were inspired by the song from ‘Annie’, but any song that has a catchy chorus with few words and lots of ‘oh-ohs’ is bound to be a Eurovision hit. It was enough to get Malta through to the finals for the second year in a row.

It’s not often that you see a lead singer who plays the drums, (particularly one who has much more hair than Phil Collins) but Bulgaria had a strong percussion element which added loads of drama and spectacle to their performance.

In recent years, the Icelandic entry has generally been an upbeat folk or dance tune, but this year, they went with a more traditional entry, a solo singer singing a song in Icelandic. This was a huge risk, and could have been an epic fail, but Eythor Ingi is one talented performer with loads of stage presence, who managed the seemingly impossible by keeping the whole live audience enraptured during his performance, with no need for fireworks, glitter, or even wind machine. He also managed to teach the world three words of Icelandic, ‘Ég Á Lif’ or ‘I Am Alive’ (not even a swear word).

Greece produced an irresistible crowd favourite. OK, maybe it’s not the best song, but how could people in party mode not dance and sing along to a Greek style folk tune with the lyric ‘Alcohol is Free’?

Israel was also marred by politics with a very un-Eurovision protest in Malmö several days before over their choice of act. Still, it was a good song, and saw the return of both Nana Mouskouri style glasses and the Diana Ross style fishtail dress. (But what was with the Mel Gibson joke in the green room? Awkward!)

Armenia had a lead singer who looked like Johnny Depp, but their song fell flat live. Still, it somehow got through to the finals.

Hungary went hipster-style this year with a very casual lead singer who managed to turn up and sing his song on time.

Norway was represented by a lovely blonde girl in a very tight, white dress. Yes, that was enough to get her through to the finals.

Albania were robbed! Seriously, how could any act featuring a pyrotechnic guitar not make it through to the Eurovision finals?

Georgia produced the glamour duet of this year’s Eurovision. It’s a great song, but no ‘Running Scared’.

Switzerland seemed to be hedging its bets this year, with a folk tune, lots of instruments, attractive, young people and a really old person (possibly inspired by the success of last year’s Russian grannies).

Romania was definitely the most memorable and talked about act of this year’s Eurovision. It started out as a poppy tune, then bizzarely turned into opera with a pop beat while the audience was distracted by dancers who appeared to be naked. He also borrowed Moldova’s growing dress, but at least wore the black version, hopefully avoiding any backstage bickering.

What a fantastic show for my first live Eurovision experience! The opening act was certainly a highlight, with a very beautiful rendition of Euphoria, started off by a children’s choir including deaf children signing, then joined by last year’s winner, Loreen, wearing a beautiful red flowing gown. From my vantage point near the middle of the catwalk, I was in the perfect position to view it all! She walked right past me!

Austria I thought did very well, an upbeat, poppy song sang earnestly by a young girl. But unfortunately it wasn’t enough to get them into the finals.

I also liked Estonia. A beautiful girl singing a lovely song. Clearly her strategic use of wind machine and flowy fabric gave her the edge.

Slovenia was where the true Eurovision spirit started to kick in, with hot male back-up dancers dressed in S&M gear for no apparent purpose (other than perhaps to get the gay vote …?).

Croatia went with a more traditional entry, which gave the audience time to use the free wi fi to check their Facebook etc.

Denmark was one of the favourites, and was well represented by fans as Copenhagen is just a 20 minute train ride away. They have an Isla Fisher lookalike for a singer, and went all out with a spectacular stage production worthy of a soft metal band, featuring a background of flames, the wind machine was well cranked up, and there were fireworks and gold glitter. All this had me wondering, could Eurovision possibly be rigged? (But if they do win I will definitely be going next year!)

Russia had another strong song sung by a beautiful girl which made it through despite a lack of wind machine, and certainly no glitter in sight.

In silhouette, I wondered whether there was someone dressed as a reindeer on the stage. Now this is more in the vein of the wackiness of Eurovision! When the lights came up, it became clear that he was only dressed as an oaf or a giant or something, maybe beauty and the beast? But Ukraine certainly had one of the more original openings for an act this Eurovision as he carried the singer in and stood her on a rock. I guess that’s that’s one way to make sure the audience can see you.

The Netherlands entry is a great song, but possibly more in the vein of Lana del Rey than Eurovision. Still, it was enough to get them through to the finals. Thank goodness! They were the last finalist to be announced tonight, and the Dutch crowd were so passionately convinced that they had made it that there may have been a riot had another country been announced.

Another ‘only Eurovision’ act from Montenegro with rapping astronauts and a real party vibe. Unfortunately their amazing costumes and stage performance weren’t enough to see them through, much to the bitter disappointment of their supporters in the audience. Fortunately, these were far fewer than the Dutch fans.

The Lithuanian performance is really all about the charisma of the lead singer. He has some really cheeky eye contact going on. The stage performance was fairly pared back. I know that these are difficult economic times across Europe, but you would think they could have got him a t-shirt that fitted seeing as he was going to be representing the nation on the telly and all.

Belarus had all the elements going on for a successful Eurovision performance; a petite blonde in a short, silver fringed dress, a big mirror ball, hunky back up dancers and ethnic rhythms. (Although I thought they had a better song in 2012 yet somehow that didn’t make the final!)

We thought the Moldovian act showed promise when we watched the singer walk on stage having her dress carried during the postcard. This performance was worthy of Lady Ga Ga with red, sculptured hair and a dress grew like Alice in Wonderland eating a mushroom before erupting in flame.

Ireland was one of my favourite performances. What more could you want apart from shirtless men beating drums to Celtic-pop rhythms? I think they also deserve extra points for including the incredibly predictable words – “dancing til the morning light” in their lyrics. Their lead singer was also very charismatic, but was interchangeable with Lithuania. Imagine the horror backstage – “Nooo, you’re wearing the SAME OUTFIT!!!”

The most memorable thing about Cyprus was the dress. Sure, she can sing and it’s another lovely song but I think everyone was distracted by the see-through lace look.

I thought that Belgium delivered the heart and soul of Eurovision – an incredibly catchy, irresistibly dancy pop tune with lyrics that you could pick up before the end of the first chorus. The dancers choreographed like Miss FiFi’s jazz ballet class from 1979 made this perfection.

The three girls from Serbia didn’t make much of an impression with their cutesy outfits and boppy song. Although I later saw another recorded version of this song where they were dressed as angels and devils, and the whole thing seemed to make much more sense. Maybe they should have stuck with the original costumes?

A pleasant surprise for we Australians was an hilarious filmed segment featuring Julia Zemiro attempting to explain the Australian obsession with this event. I don’t know whether the Europeans really understood it, but it certainly struck a chord with the Aussies.

We tried to pretend that today was just like any other day. We spent the morning in an amazing shopping centre that features forest and waterfall themed areas for shoppers to chill, then headed into town to have fair trade coffee and to buy me a Norwegian style onesie from OnePiece.

Yet as the afternoon continued, talk turned to what to wear, what time to leave and how many flags to take. If we were excited yesterday just getting to Malmö and finding our bearings in this town ready to party, we were beside ourselves with the realisation that we were about to experience our first Eurovision.

We left with plenty of time to spare and followed the stream of people wearing and carrying various national flags on to the platform. The arena is only two stops from Central station.

At the arena, all the interesting characters were ready and queuing outside, waiting to support their country. As Denmark is just a short train ride away, there was a conspicuous sea of red and white. Dutch fans were fairly creative with fans in butterfly face paint, with stuffed cows on their hat or dressed as storks. There were even three Germans, dressed in red, yellow and black capes that flashed in the dark, with fluffy wigs and masks, and Germany doesn’t even participate in the semi-finals! (Germany is one of the ‘Big Five’ countries with automatic entry into the competition.) But then I guess I come from a country that doesn’t participate at all.

We obtained fan tickets so were standing on the dance floor. Apparently this was a first for Eurovision as the stadium in Malmö was small by event standards – and a cause for much controversy on the fan social media sites.

Eurovision really is everything you expect it to be. There is no shame. How can there be if you’re dressed like a stork, dancing like you’re in a nightclub and attempting to sing in languages other than your own?

Before the show began, there was a support act of sorts, a trio – one female and two males singing covers of previous Eurovision hits. What an easy gig! The whole audience was dancing and singing along! They certainly know all the words! Being a televised event, the audience has to be in place half an hour beforehand to be briefed on what to do for the broadcast: when to be quiet, when to sing along and to put your hands in the air when your wristband flashes.

As we arrived, we were given a clear, silicone wristband, like a ‘power band’ but with some electronic gadget in it. What was it for? Did it zap you if you tried to leave early or if you left your designated section of the audience? We were relieved to discover they were just part of the lighting effects, centrally controlled to determine which part of the audience lit up and in which colour. The overall effect was pretty spectacular. They still glow pink if you tap them or move them quickly.

After each song, a clip or ‘postcard’ from each country is played. This year’s clips feature the artist in their home country. These are featured in the broadcasts and are also played on screens for the audience while the stage is set. But it’s also fun to watch the gold glitter being blower-vaced off the stage, pianos wheeled on, big dresses carried and set up etc. After the several rehearsals, it all runs so smoothly.

In short, being at Eurovision really is as much fun as it looks. Young men are dancing and singing their hearts out. Flags are waving enthusiastically. People from different countries are speaking to each other in English. The show is over the top! Eurovision is known for its use of wind machines, fireworks, scanty costumes and clueless back up dancers and this year’s event certainly meets all expectations!